how did i end up here?

NO, I Will Not Marry You!

Ok, that Dr. Neil Clark is full of crap! I can hear my money flying out the window, and I'm no closer to finding any new friends. But if I had a nickel for everyone of those guys who wanted to marry me on eHarmony...I'd have a lot less than a dollar, but you know what I mean. They should actually name that site http://www.hey-wanna-get-married-and-have-9-children.com/ But I guess that name got nixed in the brainstorming process. I don't know, I think it might have caught on. I am not interested, even in the slightest, in either of those things.

I think it's very hard to assess someone's personality by their answers to these silly obvious questions. The whole thing is so cumbersome. You have to go through this extensive process before you ever get to communicate freely with the guy. But by then, I'm so coached that I'm at a loss of what to say. The whole thing is backwards to me. I appreciate them doing the whole matching process...I like that they take the guessing work out of it for you, but I hate that I don't even get to see his personality until at least four communication steps later. I can be extremely witty over email, you know, I can type....then delete, rehearse, try again...all before pressing the send button. So, you'd think this online dating thing would be right up my alley. It might be, but I'll never get to show it at eHarmony...unless he has the stamina and I have the patience to wait that long. And for the record, I don't have the patience. I don't even really bother checking it anymore. I'm bored with you eHarmony. One guy requested communication with me who listed one of the top 5 things he couldn't live without as his "two ferrets." Ummm, I think I'll pass. I mean, I love my cat...I really do, but ferrets are just creepy.

I think I've decided I'm ok being single. I have a routine now that's comfortable and very low maintenance. The part I hate is the being lonely part...but even that lately has seemed less severe. I think I'm just in auto pilot mode...just cruising. But I'm okay with that for now. However, if you know of any cute, single, non-ferret-owning boys...I'm totally up for it.

posted by taiautumn @ 8:28 AM 4 comments

She Did It

Chyanne got married. Sigh. The wedding was beautiful and she was beautiful...but me? I was a weepy mess. There she was, a vision in white, pledging herself to someone else. It was a precious, tender moment that I was not prepared for. She was all smiles, while I stood there biting my lip as hard as I could to keep from just coming apart at the seams...I came apart anyway. I am not prepared for the life I am now living...I have never felt more alone. It's not that she's gone or has any intentions of changing our relationship, but trust me, it will change. She now has a husband to care for. What does that mean, exactly? I don't know...all I know is that he now comes first. They will plan birthdays and Christmas's and anniversaries together. And will no doubt have chidren someday. I guess this is all a part of growing up, but dang it, I'm not ready to grow up and I'm not ready for my best friend to either!! This is obvious to those who know me...I live off peanut butter and jelly sandwiches and wouldn't be able to cook a meal if my life depended on it...I only recently "invested" in plastic dishes...I live in the smallest apartment humanly possible and it doesn't bother me all that much...I have no intentions of ever buying a house, getting married, or having children. You could say I'm not ready to be a grown up. But this wedding sealed the deal for me as to how much I am not ready to have a married best friend. It just made me realize how dependent I actually am. She really is my sanity on most days. And to think she may not "be there" for me on a daily basis is just unbearable...even though I know this is ludicrous even as I type it, she is pretty dependent on me too. But I can't help but feel this uncertainty over our future relationship. I'm probably making a mountain out of a molehill, which is a trademark of mine, but this is me nonetheless; hyperbole and all. I'll learn to adjust and I'll be fine, it just might take me a little time.

posted by taiautumn @ 4:10 PM 1 comments