She Did It
Chyanne got married. Sigh. The wedding was beautiful and she was beautiful...but me? I was a weepy mess. There she was, a vision in white, pledging herself to someone else. It was a precious, tender moment that I was not prepared for. She was all smiles, while I stood there biting my lip as hard as I could to keep from just coming apart at the seams...I came apart anyway. I am not prepared for the life I am now living...I have never felt more alone. It's not that she's gone or has any intentions of changing our relationship, but trust me, it will change. She now has a husband to care for. What does that mean, exactly? I don't know...all I know is that he now comes first. They will plan birthdays and Christmas's and anniversaries together. And will no doubt have chidren someday. I guess this is all a part of growing up, but dang it, I'm not ready to grow up and I'm not ready for my best friend to either!! This is obvious to those who know me...I live off peanut butter and jelly sandwiches and wouldn't be able to cook a meal if my life depended on it...I only recently "invested" in plastic dishes...I live in the smallest apartment humanly possible and it doesn't bother me all that much...I have no intentions of ever buying a house, getting married, or having children. You could say I'm not ready to be a grown up. But this wedding sealed the deal for me as to how much I am not ready to have a married best friend. It just made me realize how dependent I actually am. She really is my sanity on most days. And to think she may not "be there" for me on a daily basis is just unbearable...even though I know this is ludicrous even as I type it, she is pretty dependent on me too. But I can't help but feel this uncertainty over our future relationship. I'm probably making a mountain out of a molehill, which is a trademark of mine, but this is me nonetheless; hyperbole and all. I'll learn to adjust and I'll be fine, it just might take me a little time.
posted by taiautumn @ 4:10 PM
1 Comments:
From the pictures I have seen, you were quite the vision yourself! I can't say that things won't change at all, because they will. I can say, however, that she is and will always be your best friend. You two will always have a connection that nobody else will understand or be able to match.
And why should you hurry and rush to growing up? There is absolutely no rush. You have all the time in the world to figure out what you want to do for the rest of your life. Take your time, be who you are. We all love you for that!
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