how did i end up here?

Auld Lang Sine

HAPPY 2008!! I can't believe 2007 went as fast as it did. It was a rough one for me...filled with ups and a lot of downs. BUT, I'm ready to put it behind me and look to the future. This year will be filled with many life altering decisions. My boss announced his retirement last year...this means I am on the job hunt. Any ideas are appreciated. I have no clue where I want to go or what I want to do. So for now, I'm keeping my eyes open and all options are on the table. I have a year to find something great, so I'm not in a huge hurry. But the dilemmas seem endless. Do I want to stay where I am? Do I want to head back to New Mexico? Do I want to try my hand at living in NYC? Do I want to try out Austin? Ugh, adult decisions really suck sometimes. I am young, well, pretty young anyway, single, unattached to any man, baby or otherwise...so I really should see the world while I can. But sometimes the feeling of starting over in a new place seems overwhelming. I can just remember how tough it has been for me here...being all alone and having such a tough time finding true friends, and I'm not sure I can mentally do it all again. But what doesn't kill me only makes me stronger, right? I'm just gonna do a list of pros and cons...feel free to weigh in:
1. Stay here - I have had at least two solid leads for jobs in the DC area, plus I just got a promotion at work, which was completely unexpected. One job would be largely for the experience and the other would be largely for the pay check. But should I stay here? It's such a cold place and I have never really felt like I fit in. Plus, the minute I decided that I was done with DC, I felt like that Mac truck that was sitting on my shoulders was lifted right off. And I guess after I shared my plans with God, he did his usual chuckle and mixed things up again...making it seem like a good idea to stay here. Plus, I honestly moved here because I was convicted I was supposed to be here for something. Well, I've waited a year and a half to figure out just what that something was, only to feel I haven't found it at all. So have I truly not found it, or was it something I can't see just yet? Only time will tell, I suppose.
2. Go back to NM - New Mexico is my home. And when I go home, I realize just how much I am at home here. While I'm not so certain I could ever move back to my hometown, Albuquerque is a nice option for me. I have a friend there who is very influential, and she has been searching high and low for a job for me. I couldn't be more appreciative. Albuquerque is only 3.5 hours from Daven, Aspen, my parents, grand parents, aunt and uncle and my best friend. It's also super close to my brothers in Colorado. But it's New Mexico...meaning, I never really wanted to go back there. There is a big mental block about it that is very tough for me to get over. I know it seems silly, but I can be extremely stubborn...you can ask anyone.
3. New York City - I am truly in love with this city! I just soak up every second I can get here. It would be an incredibly tough city to live in...I think I can't afford DC, but that's nothing compared to NYC! But if I don't do it now...when will I ever get another chance? I probably couldn't stand it for very long, and that's ok with me...but just to say I lived there once would be a dream come true. One day...one day I will conquer NYC.
4. Austin - This one is probably my favorite option, and it's incredibly ironic because I've never even been to Austin. Austin is a capitol city so I could get back into politics; it's a college town, so I could go back to school or work in education again; it's close enough to home that I could make a weekend visit and yet it's still far enough away to make coming home a big deal; it's also a very young singles town; and I already have a few friends who live there. But...I have no solid leads on a job yet and that really concerns me.
So there you have it. This is what's going on in my head right now. So many choices...so little idea of actually how to make a decision. For now, I'm just trying to be patient and hope the choice is so obvious I won't be able question it. Here's to hoping '08 is the year I really start to shine. CHEERS!!

posted by taiautumn @ 11:27 AM